I first realized I was different from everyone else when I was about five years old. I hated my father. (Don’t judge me too harshly, you’ll know why later). And at five years old I layed on the floor in my parents’ basement, praying to God that He would just let me die so I wouldn’t have to wake up ever again. I felt such pain…not physical, but my heart-felt like it would fall right out of my little chest. I can’t recall what I did the rest of that day, week, or month, but it wouldn’t be the first time I felt that way.
I suppose I can’t say I’ve spent my life alone when depression is my constant companion.
That’s just one reason I’m on this weight loss and self-improvement journey. At 41 I think it’s time to get the monkey off my back
But, when you have clinical depression, it’s nearly impossible to find the motivation to even get out of bed, let alone exercise. I actually managed to ride my stationary bike for 20 minutes. Better than nothing. Maybe losing weight will help me get off these pills.
Six psych meds. That’s how many I’m on. Six! That insane! (See what I did there?) I take what I call my psycho meal deal. It consists of Cymbalta, Provigil, Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Klonopin, and Topomax. Yum yum!